why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
