I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
