Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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