the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
