that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
