smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My penis needs a shock collar
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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