We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
