How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
