my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
