Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
