She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
