Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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