Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize