she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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