can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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