I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
