'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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