I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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