when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
