I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
