he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
