If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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