Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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