he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
