Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
