I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
