Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
