I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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