Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
