you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
