Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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