just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
how does that bad decision feel?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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