Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she told me i tasted like america
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
