I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
