Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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