i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
