Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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