The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
