U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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