you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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