Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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