You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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