Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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