All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You can't special order awesome
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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