Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You smell like stripper and shame
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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