You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
