Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize