it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
