you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
