apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
