omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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