I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
