Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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