she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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