I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
