thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
