I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
