Your face is a jimmy john
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
