booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
