You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
