I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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