happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
