New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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