sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
