So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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