): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
