The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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