so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
