So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
