I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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