but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
