New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
