Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
