She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
