Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You've changed since you got that strap on
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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