and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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