It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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