i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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