drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
