Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
