my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
