I want to have your abortion
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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