how can u be prego again
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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