I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
