Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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