You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
