on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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